There is a lot going on right now, that's for sure.

Health scares in the family, busy work schedule, feeling a little at sea from time to time - but mainly because there is just a lot of stuff that needs to be taken care of.

This morning I tried to take it a little slower - concentrate on getting things done that needed to be.

Up at about 8:30 - not long after he left for the morning - and took myself to the walking-distance Farmers Market to get some fruit and vege. Apples are fresh and green right now - delightfully asymmetrical, and on the smaller side (compared to the grocery stores). It was fun picking thru the boxes and culling 6 nice ones, taking the time to notice the fruit individually.

I think this is actually the way we should relate to produce. They are all unique and individual - and if we choose merely to see them as "apples" or "celery" we miss the wonder of creation that they each are.

If we are more cognizant that this apple is indeed the fruit of the land, with tending and nurturing involved, them we are surely going to be more prone to use it wisely. No?

Then after he got home we went and ate lunch at the Abbey.

A beautifully sunny, quiet and relaxed Sunday morning. Perhaps the transition from daylight savings to regular time a factor in our approach.

Also to be basking in the warmth of the last few weeks of the summer, was really nice.

He went to the hospital to spend time with his Dad, and I came home and did some projects. Organizing and re-packing the closet space, and finding somewhere to put the new luggage I indulged in. Matching, easy to maneuver, all fitting one, inside the others.

Then out to hike at Runyon Cyn. Pushed myself to go further and more times "around" than I usually. As a result I actually broke a nice sweat, and feel like I got my cardio.

I noticed something really odd.

Tiny dogs have really become the new accessory. Right up there with the iPod Nano. What an absolute waste of time they all are. Absolutely tiny. I saw a miniature chiwawa, and a miniature Doberman - no, not a schnauser, a Doberman. What on earth for?

Is it because they only eat small amounts? I understand the love and affection bit - that I get, but it just seems like such a perverse manipulation of other species to create these useless - bar vanity - animals.

Now home and dinner together.

Bliss!

Come on, throw me a bone...

Today I had two professional disagreements.

The first about whether or not it is at the very least polite to leave the main overhead lights off, until say 10:30 - thereby giving people the chance to sleep in, for goodness sake. I maintain that it is actually part of making care more user friendly.

Surely, there is nothing more productive than being polite with people.

The second when a colleague, with whom I have only had pleasant conversations with - put herself in the sights of my severely "screwed over" self. She, by her own admission had not bothered to give me the benefit of making a discharge go smoothly, by providing me with key parts of the puzzle that would make it timelier than it was. We sat around for much longer then necessary on a favorite family's discharge. I was really disappointed that she had left me kinda high and dry.

I just don't get that, at all.

You don't use the family as the passer-on of d/c instructions or other nuggets of wisdom.

I sometimes feel a tad-fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants at key points in the day. Nothing that bad happened around me - just a really badly organized day.

I can see I have my work cut out for me...

Wonder all around

I realize that my experience is quite a unique one.

I just love that I am continually reminded of this.

This week I went to a local mall - okay, maybe "mall" is an understatement. Let me explain.

The Grove at the Los Angeles Farmers Market is - I believe - what would happen to Main Street USA on anabolic steroids and diet coke. A shopping and entertainment experience like none other. Wrapped in overt "what I/we wish LA was like" and "What I/we wish my/our everyday life was like" to the power of 10.

There is a huge computerized musical fountain that lets water splash and fly to strains of Sinatra and the like, as well as a full size double decker trolley car that runs down from the Farmers Market, past Banana Republic, Barnes and Noble, Lalique and Coffee Bean & tea Leaf to Abercrombie and Fitch (I swear, I couldn't make this up if I tried).

Red cobbles edge the delightfully clean street, which we are able to amble down without a care. Iron worked benches - strategically placed - make the ideal place from where to do the thing I love the most...Observe.

An Arab woman - possibly Saudi - modestly dressed, in black, trousers, with a covered head (but face visible) walking the street, inspecting the carts outside the movie theatre (my reason for being there), hocking their sunglasses and scarves, toys and trinkets. With her another woman - Filipina by first glance - with her, also inspecting the masses of stuff available to buy. I wondered to myself what each of them saw, what each of them thought, and how different their experience was from mine.

For me, it was just killing time for 20 minutes while I waited for Dean to arrive to catch a movie I'd been wanting to see (Wallace and Gromit). For them, was this their first taste of the great Satan, America? Was this as unreal or as real as I saw it, to them?

A nanny, Latina, maybe 30, with 4 kids in tow. The boy, maybe 8, was having a bit of a tantrum - the kind where you get sent into time-out for - in public. The ultimate embarrassment. He huffed and he puffed, throwing his body around as he walked. His arms as if they were made of rag-stuffed cloth, his head loose on his spindly white spoilt-brat neck. He took himself to the side of a green lamp post that stood near the grassed area where his sisters were behaving perfectly. Putting himself in time-out. I made sure that I avoided eye contact with his as he scowled at the crowd. Who - all but me - ignored him. Oblivious to his shame.

Two students approached me. Handsome boys, clipboard and camcorder in hand. They wanted to interview me on gay marriage, for a high school project. I refused them, unsure if I had the time to really give my opinion in a sensicle way, without getting emotional and pissy about it all. They said that they were getting a lot of people saying that, and that it was okay I said no.

I wish I had let them in, I wish I had allowed these two young, impressionable men see the face of gay marriage face-to-face. To maybe let them even see me cry over the injustice, and the wonder of man's inhumanities.

One day, maybe.

Gosh, it takes some doing...

Feeling the day, today. It was a heavy day, today.

It can be a might hectic and draining. Had a very difficult conversation with the Father of a pretty sick kid.

He asked me about going home on hospice. It was made all the more difficult because the first language of the family is Korean. So it was a dialogue in a foreign tongue for us both. But I think I got my point across, that what was important is that they know we are not throwing them to the curb.

Fear is what holds us back - just fear. Master your fear, and you will succeed. Master that which plagues you - be it sub-stance or in-stance. Or any other way of perceiving the self you can muster.

Fear not - for all the world is a very narrow bridge.

All day, all I wanted was to be in bed listening to the rain - but instead I was at work.

Tomorrow I get to sleep in - Yay!

tekiah g'dolah...

It went well - tho I did very nearly pass out as I stood there forcing my life-breath into the end of a rams horn in front of probably 500 folks.

The Rabbi won, again.

It was a difficult fast - I felt all weak and headachey - lack of caffeine.

Need to kick that habit, again.

Now to sukkot - tho I am not sure when I'll get to crane my eyes to the star-filled sky this year.

Sukkot then Simhat Torah, then Halloween and Thanksgiving...

The seasons turn, turn, turn.

So, how was your Fast?

A strange question to ask someone after an intensly spiritual endeavour, don't you think?

But we do.

And we will, the few of us who many look at the tzom as a particular personal commandment, taken on. Owned, and valued.

I blow the shofar again in about 29 hours. Looking forward to it.

I also get to fast again. And, I am looking forward to it

I washed my car today, for a very strange reason. To be respectful of my Father-in-law, who I am possibly driving to Temple for services, this evening. I made a particular effort to use - and thereby waste - less of the water. I used a minimal amount of biodegradable dish soap, and a cloth.

And made sure that there was only the smallest amount of drippage on the ground (and thereby drain to the ocean) - so I was then able to pour the dirty water down the toilet - thereby being purged of it's soap suds, into a system created to collect and treat these products.

I saved money, face, and eco-heart.

And gained the added respect from an act to honor another. Honor is the ultimate honor. Huh?

I just hope he is well - for a do worry about him. I will take good care of him.

Oh so sleepy...

Well, it's been two whole weeks back on the front lines and I am both exhausted and invigorated.
Twelve hour shifts are a bitch for sure - there is so much to be done, and so much intention that is required to do it. I'm keeping up for the most part, but very tired (and therefore rather dull) after work.

The birthday of the world was spent in close proximity to the armpit of the world - or at least the ramshackle place we journeyed to was. He did great things - really opened some eyes I think. I got to sound the great shofar of freedom - and got a great deal out of the exercise. Amazing power and strength in the sounding of our ancient watch cry.

Beautiful warm evenings - the pomegranate are ripening, and the crescent moon makes it's crawl across the sky. Oh for the comfort of the sukkah...