Am I Crazy, Or Does He Just Get Cuter?

Call me crazy - I've been called worse - but he just gets cuter every day to me. His face, his hands, his tummy, he is just an incredible all-consuming beauty. He flashes these little smiles at me from time to time, and while I know they are only "milk burbs" those sweet little smiles make me coo like a dove.

he has the most delightful eyes, and while I know that he can't see much further than his just past his nose, he looks at me sometimes with such intensity that I think I am going to explode with joy.

We sit together in a sunny spot some days, quiet and alone, warm together, and I am overwhelmed with the sheer beauty of the experience. I like being an Abba - I like it a lot! It is awesome - the no'rah Jewish kind of awe, not the surfer kind, by the way. There is something truly awe inspiring, humbling, and incredibly hopeful about parenting, and in particular in fathering.

We sit and listen to music together (his Aunty Steph sent the sweetest compilation CD) and I cry like a professional mourner. I just can't help myself, it is too much to contemplate sometimes.

There will be any number of days ahead when he will try my last nerve, and I will, I am sure at some point have to yell at him. But, for right now, I am happier than a pig in shit (to coin a phrase much used rural New Zealand vernacular). I can't believe that life can be this good, sweet, and joy-filled.

Shabbat Shalom Little Squirrel

Last night we celebrated Jacobs second Shabbat at Bobos house. His presence really has made Shabbatot all the sweeter. So, we lit candles, blessed wine and bread, sang zimrot, and shared a meal with The Boys Mom. It was really a taste of the world to come (which we are told the Shabbat is). The little Squirrel semi-slept through the activities in his car seat on the table. He fluttered his eyes during some of the singing, and then slipped into a deep and blissful looking snooze.

It was a lovely evening. We talked about family, and I showed Bobo some of the family pictures I had scanned when I was home last year. It was a lot of fun to introduce her to the whanau. I think she really enjoyed it. I did, though it made me somewhat homesick.

Laying On of Hands

Just a Little off the Top, Thanks

Last night was the bris. I'm still trying to digest the whole thing. I am vacillating between horror and honour. It was much different than the other Brit Milah ceremonies I have attended before, even the two when I was Sandek. There was something much more gritty and real about it seeing my own child enter into the covenant in this manner. Don't get me wrong; it was truly an amazing and important experience, but I am a little shell-shocked, still.

The Mohel and the rabbi were fantastic, absolutely fantastic. The steps were all explained and thought out to enable us to have a more complete experience, but it was still heart breaking hearing him squeal the way he did. The lidocaine must have really stung because he made a huge fuss, and had a great difficulty becoming calm for the immediate time frame afterwards (when the actual Milah was taking place).

We tried to comfort him, giving him "sips" of sweet sacramental wine via a rolled gauze in his little mouth. The purple staining of the wine on his tongue was a very curious site during it all. I kept looking at his tongue thinking that I could happily have a glass or three of wine right around then, too.

The actual cutting was all done in the rabbi's office, away from the crowd. We then moved into the schule and the ceremonial portion of the evening began. Jacob was carried in by his grandmother, Lynne. Then she passed him to the Boy who passed him first to Stella (the mother of his aunt, and the last of his Grandparents generation) who sat in Miriam's Chair. Then to the Boy's dad, Bernard, who held him throughout the rest of the ceremony.

The rabbi spoke, the kahal responded, the rabbi spoke again, the kahal responded, again. It is all kind of a blur, I have to admit. Then it was time to explain Jacob's names. The Boy and I spoke; firstly me about his "secular" set of names Jacob Osher.

I started with a few words of greeting in Maori, which I didn't make too big a botch-up of, despite being incredibly nervous and quite overwhelmed with emotions.

I explained the choice of "Jacob" being in honour of both our biblical ancestor Jacob, and in memory of my paternal grandmother, Jacova. I loved my "Nana Covie" dearly, and realize that she continues to have a huge influence on me, even today. Being able to name Jacob - in some part - for her has a great deal of significance for me.

"Osher" is taken from a line in one of our favorite songs. In the Idan Reichel Project song "Bo'i" there is a line that says;

"Al tish'ali oti al osher, ulai gam hu ya'vo. K'sh'hu ya'vo, yered alienu k'mo geshem"

"Don't ask me about joy, maybe he (it) will also come, when he (it) comes, falling down on us like rain".

The words just really spoke to me, and "Osher" has a much deeper meaning than simple joy. Like most Hebrew words it is more a concept, and can be translated as "Abundant Joy", which is what we hope and pray for our Osher, our proof of abundant joy, our little son.

Then the Boy about his Hebrew names "Yisra'el Haim". Yisra'el - Israel - is the name that Jacob takes as an adult after he spends the night dreaming of a ladder to heaven. He wrestles with a stranger, an angel, perhaps with G-d. He awakes a changed man, and takes a new name in honour of the transformation that he went through.

"Haim" is not for me, but for Dean's paternal grandparents, "Haim Dovid" and "Haiya". They are still incredibly present for the Boy in his heart, and it is a wonderful way to honour them. The Boy's Dad was more than a little overcome and it was quite moving.

At the end of the ceremony the Rabbi and the Mohel called everyone up onto the bimah with us, had them surround us, everyone touching, linking to our hands which were on Jacob's tiny head to give the priestly benediction. The Rabbi had us close our eyes, and concentrate on the little life in our hands (literally) and send him our heart-felt wishes for his life. I found this the most moving piece, and tears were streaming down my cheeks as she sang the ancient words of blessing.

Then to the social hall to have a nosh and schmooze, receive good wishes, kisses and hugs from our circle of friends. What an incredible bunch of people. We are incredibly lucky to have the friends we do, they are amazing, and it felt so incredible to share this next step in our life cycle with them all. Some I hadn't seen an an age, and some I saw very recently, but all of them a blessing in our life.

So, all in all, I have to say that while it was a wrenching experience at times it was one that is incredibly worthwhile. I know there is controversy about circumcision, but I believe that it is an important part of who we are as a people, and will continue to be part of who we will be as a people.

Blessed are You, Ha'Shem our God, Ruler of the universe, who has sanctified us with Your commandments and commanded us concerning circumcision.

Best of Friends!

Nuckachucka Gets a Brand New Friend!

Wednesday, November 26, at 10:03 PM we welcomed into our lives a fine healthy boy of 8 lb and 20 inches. He came swiftly in the end, after keeping us on tender hooks for about twenty three hours. Things moved so slowly all day Wednesday , and at 7:00 PM we were thinking that there wouldn't be anything until the next day.

Then we received a call at 8:20 PM to come down to the hospital, that things had progressed. When we arrived (at about 9:00 PM) the surrogate was resting so we went out to the waiting room thinking it would be hours. About 30 minutes later we were called back to the room as she was dilated to 7 cm and was pushing! We were bedside in seconds, and watched with absolute awe as the baby entered the outside world.

With a gentle yet meaningful cry he arrived.

Jacob Osher (which we are translating as "abundant joy") is quite the sweetheart. It is an amazing thing to see a child enter the world. But to see ones son pass through the birth canal, and reveal himself, is life changing.

He has fine light hair, with dark lashes and almost invisible eye brows. He has a pink complexion and is free of any of the baby blemishes I am used to, save a few milia on his chin. He has eyes that are a dark grey blue which can stare deep into my soul.

We are floating on a wave of joy and happiness. There is joy and wonder in everything he does, he has the ability to change the weather and make the sun shine. It is like nothing I have ever felt or experienced before, and I like it. I like it a lot!

We spent two days in the hospital and came home to grandmas house on Friday afternoon. We will be spending the next 5 weeks here as we prepare for our departure to New Zealand, and our new beginning together as a family of three. We have the perfect set-up here and have been having family and friends over to meet him, which has been lovely.

We are in a nice little groove of sharing feedings and so actually feel very rested and content. I think that not having carried him for nine months, or having gone through 23 hours of induced labour we are going to be in much better shape. So far, so good.

Today he is five days old. Five days! Absolutely remarkable. Time has raced by in a flurry of individually-sealed memory moments.

We left the house for the first time today to go to our first pediatrician appointment. All is well and within the expected norms, which of course settles my prone-to-fret Nursing mind. I was able to ask my paranoid questions and have them set aside by a wonderful team of folks. I actually initially chose the practice because I had known the doctors when they were residents at C.H.L.A. I am now delighted to know that a third doctor has joined, another physician that I was so impressed by when she was in her residency, also.

If I had to put the last few days into a word, I think the word would be "fulfilled", "content" is also up there.

Dean quoted something from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" on Friday which I think sums it all up; with a glint in his eye Willie Wonka says to Charlie, "Do you know what happened to the man who got everything he ever wanted? He lived happily ever after".

I now know exactly what he meant.