Seeing for Myself.

I'm not sure what I have been doing, but I feel like I have been busy.

Work has been hectic - and I have had a couple of days that really called for drunken stupor - but I resisted.

I'm garden sitting for a neighbor. She is in India, so I get to water her lush little patio garden. It's been blissful - especially on week days when I have been able to have a quiet sit in the sun, and even get some yoga stretching done. The watering is incredibly soothing and relaxing. I take time to inspect and prune - plucking the yellow and drying leaves off the various plants.

The High Holy Days are approaching. From where I stand, I peer into the future and see myself getting some real healing out of them. Healing of the spirit is what I am in need of. My spirits have been a touch flat - but I am making the most of opportunities to regain footholds in the ever-slippery riverbank of wholeness. My clambering up out of the waters of despair, to the comfort and safety of the lush green grass of the meadow.

I will be Hagbah this Yom Kippur. A role that I believe can be transformative. Hagbah raises up the Sefer Torah after it has been read from. Hagbah raises the open scroll high above his head. The scroll is partially open - so that the members of the congregation, who have just sat and listened to the reading, can see the words for themselves.

I want to make the lifting of the sacred Torah into an act of re-connection and re-dedication to my spirituality. As I hold it aloft, before the congregation, I want to find a place of quiet, peace and wholeness. As I sit holding the scroll after it is dressed, the rimmonim jingling gently next to my ear, I want to hear the chime of forgiveness. As I pass the scroll to the Rabbi, as it is replaced in the Aron, may I find God, again. I want the folds of the talit which I will wrap around me, to caress my lowered head, and enfold me in their layers. Like the feathers on the wings of the Sh'chi'nah, herself.

Sukkot is coming. I am excited for it, too. I want to dote on the sukkah, and make it a wonderful place to be shabbat morning. To transport ourselves to the sweetly scented streets of Jerusalem. To the gracious rooftops of the old city. I want it to be spectacular. And I think it shall be.